Category 5 Shit Storm

We’re back with another blog and this time we’ll talk about the disaster that is the Miami Hurricanes football program. Its been widely publicized by now the series of events that went on in Miami from 2002-2010 but a quick recap is players being paid by a former booster/con-man. Along with being paid, the 70+ players were given prostitutes, yacht privileges and access to the booster’s million dollar home. The kicker to all this is that allegedly several UM football and basketball coaches as well as some athletic department employees knew about this happening and yet did nothing to stop it. Because the NCAA investigation on the Miami football team is still ongoing its difficult to speculate on what type of penalty Miami is going to get but one thing is for sure, they are going to get pummeled with NCAA sanctions.  Even if half of what the former booster is saying were true then that still would be a major violation and probably one of the biggest in collegiate sports history.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about who is to blame for this whole mess. Obviously Nevin Shapiro is a scumbag, and shouldn’t have been around the program. He’s a crook and douche and that’s why he’s in federal prison for 20 years. Yes the players need to know better and not be hanging around people like that and need to realize that they cant be accepting gifts or money. But these are also 18-22 year old kids we’re dealing with and who wouldn’t want some extra cash and benefits. I think most of the blame should be put on the coaches and employees of the university who knew what was going on and didn’t stop it. These people already made good money and should be old enough to know better yet they didn’t do anything to stop this guy and in some instances received the same benefits and gifts that the players were getting. It’s because of the athletic department employees and coaches that ultimately I believe Miami will receive some of the harshest penalties ever from the NCAA.

The “death penalty” has been widely speculated and im not so sure that wont happen but because of all the money at stake I think a long post-season ban as well as a big reduction in scholarships and possibly a TV ban would be more in order. Either way expect the “swagger” at the U to be lost for quite some time, if not forever. They were already a struggling football program but I believed they had the coach that could get them in the right direction. However, if strict penalties are enforced don’t expect Al Golden to stay in Miami long. That along with a resurgent Florida State and an always formidable Florida team in the same state will make recruiting very tough because nobody wants to play for a team that cant go to a bowl game and cant compete on the field.

        Right now there are eight current Hurricane players ruled ineligible by the team but there’s hope that they will be ruled eligible by the NCAA in time for their September 5^th match-up against the Maryland Terrapins. If those players aren’t reinstated this year expect an awful season for the Canes this year which will only worsen their fall to the bottom of the ACC. It’ll be a rough road for Hurricane fans for the next decade or so but for the rest of us it should be interesting and hopefully a lesson of what not to do for the rest of the NCAA.

¡ MUSTACHE-TOPIA !

Like most red blooded americans, we at side of elvis have a facisnation with mustaches.  But not just any mustache, the mustaches that take your breathe away. Here we’ve compiled a list of the best and most awe inspiring mustaches ever known to man. If you don't appreciate this list, you are either blind or a communist (or both).  Without further ado, here are you mustache'd men:  

Tom Selleck

The Sexy ‘Stache

The epitomy of sexy.  If you were a teenage girl in the 1980s, you loved this man…and his mustache. 
when he went shirtless, his glorious chest hair took it to the next level.  Kudos on the no man-scape rule Selleck.

Geraldo Rivera

The Breaking News 'Stache 

Though extremely annoying, his mustache led him to have a great career in the news industry.  My guess is that the day he shaves the stache is the day his career is over.

Rollie Fingers

The Slider ‘Stache

If this doesn’t impress you, you must be blind. I don’t know what was more jaw dropping, the curls that complete this masterpiece or that fact this man is in the major league hall of fame. 

Mike Ditka

  The Super Bowl 'Stache

Ditka didn't display anything too flashy but that’s the point.  Some well groomed upper lip hair can strike fear when coupled with a sweater vest and suit.  He proved that a winner wears a mustache.  Don't you forget it.

Charlie Chaplin

The Silent 'Stache

Chaplin was the first movie star.  Though we have no idea what he sounded like, his mustache did all the talking.  As a pioneer in the entertainment industry he made his style a national icon.  Sadly, a few years later an Austrian didn't get into art school and decided to start his own gang, the Nazis, thus ruining Chaplin's work of art.

Gen. Ambrose Burnside

The Civil 'Stache

Burnside was a general for the Union Army during the Civil War.  He had a mustache so epic that it connected to the hair on his head and coined the term “side burns”.  The Confederates had a big disadvantage without glorious facial hair.  Rumor has it that Burnside was also a sex symbol for his generation, I happen to believe it.  

Mario & Luigi

The Super 'Stache Bros.

We must give credit to the Japanese for creating such awesome characters.  Pioneers of the video game era as well as keepers of the super-stache.   Mario and Luigi are credited with revolutionizing the plumbing industry and passing the first Anti-Koopa Troopa bill in the mid 1980s. 

Albert Einstein

The Theory of Mustachivity

Some say Einstein grew the world’s smartest mustache (its never been officially recorded) but theres no arguing that his upper lip kept warm in the winter.  If the smartest man of the last 200 years grew a sick mustache, why isn't it mandatory for all college students?   

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Mustache of Equality

MLK had a dream to rid the world of inequality among people.  Though it is usually not taught to children, facial hair equality was part of his famous speech.  Simplicity was the key when it came to growing a successful mustache, according to King.    

Reggie Jackson

Mr. Octoberstache

Not only a great baseball player, Reggie Jackson was a great facial hair grower as well.  Jackson was famous for his off-field behavior with his teammates and coaches but boy could he launch a home run.  He may go down as one of the most clutch baseball players of the 80’s but his snazzy 'stache has its own place in baseball lore.

Larry Bird

The Invisi-Stache 

Larry Bird rocked a mustache for much of his playing career but not many people noticed.  He grew enough peach fuzz below his nose to legally claim he had a mustache.  Bird once told a reporter that it took him more time to grow a mustache than it did to master the game of basketball.  At least he had one thing going for him. 

Ron Jeremy

Stan Van Gundy

Porn-Stache

As crazy as this next fact sounds, it is true: despite being two different people, these two men are actually the same.  Their mustaches are equally impressive.  Ron Jeremy owns the classic “porn-stache” thanks to his illustrious adult film career.  Van Gundy reps a similar style mustache (and body).  Van Gundy rose to coaching stardom because he sat behind his brother Jeff until he was thrown a job.  He rode on the coattails of Jeff Van Gundy's coaching and Ron Jeremy's looks.  Ouch.

Hulk Hogan

Mustache-Mania

At the height of Hulkamania,this mustache stood second to none.  The handlebar struck fear into opposing wrestlers and inspired many eight year olds to clothesline their younger siblings.  As time wore on the Hulk lost his appeal.  Now this style is saved mostly for bikers and douches­ -- but hey it’s still manly.






So there you have it, our favorite mustaches.  What do you think? Who's your favorite? Did we leave out someone near and dear to your heart?  Let us know!


...and make sure to follow us so you don't miss any of our inspirational blogging!

My NCAA Football Solution...

Hey guys, its Mike.  I'm up late and decided to fix a problem that I've been having with college football.  There’s debates going about if BCS is good or bad and if there is a better system out there.  Some people want a playoff and others want bowl games.  I think we can reach an agreement in the middle that will benefit both sides of the argument.

What if you keep the BCS ranking system all year as usual but change the postseason format? After conference championship week, take a look at the BCS standings.  Select the top 8 teams in the standings and make a playoff: 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5.  They play in a three week playoff in the middle of December.  The winner is crowned National Champs.

Here's what it would have looked like if my system was implemented last season:

The 7 games can be played in various neutral sites similar to (or exactly like) the BCS bowl games.  Fiesta, Rose, Orange, and Sugar bowls can have one of these playoff games each and 3 more exclusive bowls can also be entered to have a playoff game (ex: Cotton, Chick-Fil-A, Music City).  Each year the championship game can rotate just as it does now ensuring fairness among the elite bowls. 

There could be controversy over the 7, 8, 9, 10 seeded teams because obviously somebody will be left out.  However it will be unlikely that an 8 seeded team will make it through the gauntlet of teams on its way to the championship.  If for some reason this happens to be the case for several years, we can go back to the drawing board again.  But who wouldn't want to see all these great games?  For three weeks in a row everyone is guaranteed awesome playoff games with the best teams in the country.  At the end, a true winner is crowned and all the complainers generally shut up.

While the playoff teams are fighting over the weekends, other teams that are bowl eligible play in regular bowl games.  They will have a similar system to the bowl games we see now.  Throughout December, and maybe the beginning of January, teams that are bowl eligible can have an end of season game as a reward for their hard work.  These games would be played around the country at the different bowl sites during the week, leaving the big games for the weekend.

By doing this the schools are happy because they are guaranteed money for themselves through the bowl games.  The fans (and teams) are happy because there is a playoff.  Also, by having the lesser bowls be played during the week it gives viewers something to watch while waiting for the playoffs.  As the month wears on, better bowls will be sprinkled in during the week and the playoff games will get more and more intense.  It can be argued that a season with playoffs means two teams will play up to 16 games (with a conference championship game) and that is way too much.  However, the entire playoff system will take place while the students are on winter break, won't interfere with school and I think 18-23 year olds would be just fine playing a few extra games.

No system is perfect but I think the BCS does a good job at figuring who the best teams are while a playoff ensures a fair shot for each of the elite teams.  I think it could work very well but who am I but a simple college student.  There are millionaires and school presidents who have the job of figuring out what to do but they have to change it somehow.  I'm sure there are a few kinks to work out with this system but I also think its the best one thrown out there. 

Blog de la Awesome

Welcome! This is the first official blog of the Side of Elvis era so thank you for reading. 

With the college rankings coming out today for the upcoming football season, we thought it would be fun to look at the rankings and make a few bold (and lame) predictions.

First we have to start with number one team in the land…the Oklahoma Sooners. 

Led by possible Heisman candidates Landry Jones and Ryan Broyles, the Sooners are looking to build on a good 2010 campaign and have their eyes on a National Championship.   I think this is a good choice as the top team with no clear cut favorite.  Typically you would see the national champion from the previous year in the top spot but Auburn lost their stud, Scam Newton, and will likely not crack the top 15 this season.  The most interesting thing to watch in Auburn will be whether the historic trees can make it through the season.  Back to the sooners, their toughest test will be September 17 against FSU.  This game will be an indicator to see if they are pretenders or contenders.

We have a few critiques with the rankings (no worries though, nobody’s perfect).

 

                Notre Dame: are you kidding me? What have they done that warrants a number 18 ranking? They played pretty good down the stretch last year but against iffy competition.  They have a soft schedule this season that could enable them to move up far in the standings but I’m sure they have a few bad surprises that will leave Notre Dame purists cringing.

                Mississippi State:  They’re a team on the rise; they play in the tough SEC west but have a decent shot to do some damage if they can find a consistent passing attack.  Last year they won nine games with a great defense and a stellar running game.  Look out for the Bulldogs to wreak some havoc .

Florida State:  Another team that is ranked too high to begin the season.  This team has enough potential to be ranked this high eventually but they haven’t proved enough to be given such elite status.  The favorites to win the ACC (which isn’t saying much) have to go through the Sooners to prove they belong with the big boys.  The defense should be very good, but the question marks are on the offensive side.  Can the Noles fill the gap left by first round pick (Go VIKES) Christian Ponder and All-ACC lineman Rodney Hudson and Ryan McMahon.

Florida: After a rough 2010 season, they look to rebound with new coaches Will Muschamp and offensive guru Charlie Weis.  So far the post-Tebow era hasn’t shown much promise but they certainly have the athletes to compete at a high level. We think that a ranking of 23^rd is about right.  Should be interesting to see how they fare with a defensive minded coach.

We watch a lot of ESPN and  based solely on that we think we have enough credibility to predict EXACTLY how the season will turn out.  If Peter King and Kirk Herbstreit can do it, why can’t we?

Heisman Watch List:

1. Landry Jones, QB Oklahoma

2.  Kellen Moore, QB Boise St.

3. LaMichael James, RB Oregon

4.  Marcus Lattimore, RB South Carolina

5.  Justin Blackmon, WR Oklahoma St.

Freshman Impact Players:

1.       Jadeveon Clowney, DE South Carolina

2.       Sammy Watkins, WR Clemson

3.       Aaron Lynch, DE Notre Dame

Here at A Side of Elvis we have certain abilities that allow us to look into the future and tell you who will win.  After reading this you should go to your local bookie and bet no less than $10,000 on each of these picks because there is no chance we will be wrong. None. Nada.

(P.S. if you don’t understand sarcasm, this may not be the best place for you)

Conference Winners:

ACC: Florida State (a weak ACC puts FSU in the driver’s seat)

Big 10: Wisconsin (Russell Wilson is the missing piece of the Badger puzzle)

Big 12: Oklahoma (Top team in the country, may be most complete team)

Big East: West Virginia (but it’s honestly a crapshoot)

Pac-12: Oregon (Stanford is a little overrated with Harbaugh headed to San Fran)

SEC: LSU (could be Bama, South Carolina, or even Miss St but LSU seems to always be in the mix)

National Championship:

Oregon vs. Boise St(total shot in the dark)

Our reasoning is that no team in a BCS conference will go undefeated but a one loss Oregon team could creep their way into the championship.  If Oregon can remain unscathed against LSU and Stanford, they’re strength of schedule could bump them up.   Boise State is loaded with talent and the senior Kellen Moore is going to do everything in his power to lead his team to the Promised Land.